There are no rules to say how long sex should last, but it’s common for men to worry that they ejaculate (or come) too quickly.
If you’ve ever wondered what you could do to last longer in bed, it might be worth sitting down with your partner and having a conversation about your concerns. If you’re both happy and fulfilled by your love life, there may be no reason to worry about how long you last in bed.
But if you’re still wondering how to make sex last longer, you may find it helpful to try some of the self-help strategies designed to help men gain more control over ejaculation.
Ways to last longer in bed
There are a few things that men can try to delay ejaculation, and make sex last longer.
Masturbate 1-2 hours before having sex
According to the International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM), many men find that they have more control if they ejaculate shortly before they have sex.
This may be because masturbation helps to desensitise the penis, reducing the sensations that trigger an orgasm. This will increase the length of time that it then takes you to ejaculate.
Some people also think that masturbation releases hormones that slow your sex drive, or helps you to get rid of any pent up sexual tension. But there’s less evidence to support these ideas.
Try the squeeze method
The squeeze method is a technique that’s often used to treat men who are struggling with premature ejaculation. It helps you to stop an orgasm before it occurs, and it can also help you to gain more control over ejaculation.
To practice the squeeze method, you or your partner should stimulate your penis until you think you’re about to ejaculate. When you get close, squeeze the penis where the glands or head meets the shaft; using your thumb and forefinger to press down until the urge to ejaculate goes away.
You should then wait for 30 seconds before resuming sexual intercourse.
Over time, practicing this technique should help you to recognise the signs of an approaching orgasm, and help you to slow down, stop or distract yourself before you ejaculate.
Try the stop-start method
The stop-start method (sometimes called edging) is another technique that you can use to increase control in the bedroom. Like the squeeze method, it helps you to recognise the sensations that occur in the build-up to an orgasm so that you can learn to control your body’s response to sexual stimulation.
To practice the stop-start method, you or your partner should stimulate your penis until you feel like you’re about to ejaculate. You should then stop, and rest until the urge to ejaculate has passed.
Do this 3 to 4 times before allowing yourself to ejaculate.
As with the squeeze method mentioned above, you’ll need to practice this technique every time you have sex. It can take a couple of weeks to see any benefit.
The stop-start method is recommended by international organisations like the European Association of Urology.
Wear a thick condom
Some people find that condoms help to decrease sensation, and make the penis less sensitive. Thick condoms may do this better.
You can also try condoms that are treated with numbing agents to further decrease sensation.
Try numbing sprays and creams
You can use topical numbing agents that contain local anaesthetic to desensitise your penis and delay an orgasm. Evidence suggests that these treatments are fairly effective, and you can buy them from most pharmacies.
However, it’s important to note you may not feel yourself ejaculate. Numbing agents can also cause vaginal numbness in your partner.
If you intend to use a spray or cream to delay your orgasm, apply it 10-30 minutes before intercourse so that it has time to work, and make sure that you wash it off 5-10 minutes before having sex.
You could wear a condom to prevent the medicine from numbing your partner’s vagina. Some sprays are also available that don’t cause vaginal numbness.
When should I worry about ejaculating too quickly?
Although there’s no ‘normal’ length of time for someone to last in bed, experts say that regularly ejaculating within 1 minute of entering your partner may be a sign that you’re suffering from premature ejaculation.
Premature ejaculation is common and thought to affect up to nearly a third (31%) of men at some point in their lives.
It can be caused by stress, tiredness or relationship problems, but it could also be a symptom of an underlying health condition, such as depression, a thyroid problem or an issue with your prostate gland.
If you’re worried about premature ejaculation you should book an appointment with your doctor. They will be able to assess your condition, look for any underlying causes and maybe recommend some useful treatments.