6 ways to manage family relationships over the holidays this year

The holiday season can be a difficult time for families, and this year, relationships may be more strained than usual as a result of the pandemic. Here’s 5 tips on how to manage your family relationships over the holidays. 


1. Take a minute to breathe

2. Encourage cooperation — especially among kids

3. Agree to disagree 

4. Be forgiving of yourself and others

5. Focus on the positives

6. Finding harmony during the holidays 

Key points



But despite these challenges, there are things you can do to help ease stress or tension over the holidays, deal with any issues, and avoid clashes or conflict.

Child and family psychologist Margaret McAllister shares her advice.

![Dad talking to son by sofa](//images.ctfassets.net/iqo3fk8od6t9/5gqXEmyE2TnnP1Tb84if7l/87f3a8ec8c7057e51cb48848519c3e7c/Dad_talking_to_son_by_sofa.jpg)

## 1. Take a minute to breathe

If you feel stressed or anxious at any point over the holidays, you may find [deep breathing exercises](/stress-relief/5-breathing-exercises-for-instant-calm) make you calmer. Stress can make you breathe faster, more shallow breaths. This, in turn, can make you feel more stressed.

Doing breathing exercises regularly may also help reduce stress and allow you to control your breathing better if you do feel stressed during the holiday season.

![Woman indoors relaxing meditating and doing breathing exercises ](//images.ctfassets.net/iqo3fk8od6t9/2svKZ4XPEvKKZNR8aBHFau/6f937e7620653bb2b8ba6448c1814e1f/Woman_indoors_relaxing_meditating_and_doing_breathing_exercises_.jpg)


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## 2. Encourage cooperation — especially among kids

If you have kids who are missing friends or bored of being at home a lot, friendly conversations and exchanges can quickly turn into arguments.

McAllister recommends having plenty of play material to hand — anything new that will help keep kids entertained.

“Games that encourage cooperation rather than rivalry may work best, or games that allow you to build and create things,” McAllister says.

![Playing building blocks game](//images.ctfassets.net/iqo3fk8od6t9/3Vxb6Walg2pZT3h7BhUrNH/458ace0ce045b56bb07cbf770f245301/Playing_building_blocks_game.jpg)


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## 3. Agree to disagree 

It’s natural for adult relationships to become strained from time to time, especially if you’re juggling extra responsibilities, for example around work or childcare. 

If arguments occur over the holidays that are related to work or home, it can help to “teach yourself to disagree,” McAllister explains.

Settling a discussion by knowing that you don’t always need to agree on things and finding a compromise can remove everyday conflicts, she says.

However, McAllister recommends that adults show a united front when with kids, then discuss any issues quietly as a couple in the evening or at another time. This can help to maintain harmony in the family as a whole.

![Man using a laptop while having argument with woman ](//images.ctfassets.net/iqo3fk8od6t9/18l2H3tyVcWbTnv9tUAqNR/f395fe96f036d8839446cf2b48fbd8c6/Man_using_a_laptop_while_having_argument_with_woman_.jpg)


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## 4. Be forgiving of yourself and others

Be as forgiving as you can.

“Remind yourself to make allowances to other people as you would like them to make allowances to you,” says McAllister. “If you or someone else speaks sharply or without thinking and regrets it, try to forgive and move past it.”

![Family sitting round a table outdoors](//images.ctfassets.net/iqo3fk8od6t9/3lwPNoMDrTQ3Oi7ERtv73N/c0c4199f890311ad4bd4d2c3c0a37c0a/Family_sitting_round_a_table_outdoors.jpg)


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## 5. Focus on the positives

Though it can be important to “give yourself permission to feel sad” over the holidays, especially if you've had a tough year, McAllister advises focusing on the changes you may have to make this year that can be viewed as positive changes. 

For example, sometimes travelling to and from a relative’s house, or deciding who to visit or spend the holidays with can cause conflict in itself.

McAllister also recommends having regular ‘check-ins’ with family and using this time to focus on the positives. 

“Make sure each person has 3 positives to take away with them. This could be 3 positive things that happened that day or week.”

![A couple is cooking in the kitchen together ](//images.ctfassets.net/iqo3fk8od6t9/1r0Ukz9zO4EdUtLnuZsw1n/fba7f1c0ba9a4d0e9d61d5a0f0a1c6b5/iStock-869573930.jpg)

## 6. Finding harmony during the holidays 

Getting on well with your family isn’t always easy, nor is it meant to be so. 

But by taking the time to think about the people you live with and understanding that you’re all responding to life in different ways, you can take steps to reduce conflict — and create harmony — in your household over the holidays. 

## Key points

- encourage people of all ages, including any kids, to get involved in practical tasks, like games, that can help keep them happy and occupied 
- try to settle any arguments that arise with give and take, and find ways to compromise on things, even if you don’t agree
- be as forgiving as you can, with people in your household and with relatives you may only see around the holiday season
- try to focus on the positive events that happen in your days and weeks, and discuss these with your family. Ask them to share theirs. This can help lift spirits 

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References

Georgina Newman

Meera Senthilingam

Healthily's medical team

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