Alcohol and sex – how it affects you and how to stay safe

Alcohol and your love life – the truth

Whether we’ve been with the same sexual partner for years or we’re having sex with different people, many of us know about the relationship between alcohol and sex.

“Alcohol might boost your confidence, and possibly increase your sexual desire,” says Dr Ann Nainan, family doctor and Healthily expert. “This can help some women feel more able to have a fulfilling sex life. But the truth is, booze can also be bad for your sex life, so you need to get the balance right.

“When it comes to your sexual wellbeing and safety, how you use alcohol is about knowing your individual tolerance, and choosing what’s right for you. Just be aware that where there are benefits, there are usually risks, too.”

So here’s what you need to know.

How does alcohol affect a woman sexually?

• it might affect how wet you get – while booze is a social lubricant, it may not help with lubricating your vagina. Drinking can be dehydrating – and dehydration may cause vaginal dryness. In a small study of 24 adults in New York, drinking alcohol was linked to vaginal dryness for women. What’s more, as your blood alcohol levels increase, it can reduce ‘vasocongestion’ – when your vagina’s tissues swell up (in a good way) to make it ready for penetration
• your orgasm – the jury’s out on whether being tipsy is friend or foe to your orgasm. But it can dampen down your sexual sensitivity, meaning you get less pleasure out of the whole experience. In the New York study, some people felt their orgasm was delayed or didn’t feel as intense, while others found that being drunk allowed them to orgasm faster or more often
• it can affect your judgment – meaning you might be more likely to have unprotected sex, which puts you at risk of unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs)

Is there a relationship between alcohol and sex drive?

“Alcohol has a reputation for making us feel relaxed, and many women find it can help with getting in the mood for sex,” says Dr Ann.

In fact, a 2017 study of 200 people across 21 countries found that women are more likely than men to report drinking alcohol to feel sexy.

But it might be worth asking yourself whether booze is really responsible for making you feel sexy – or maybe you’re simply expecting it to have a confidence-boosting effect? A 2015 study of almost 2,000 adults found that, for most people, drinking before sex actually didn’t bring any positives to the sexual experience.

For inspiration on getting to know what gives you pleasure (minus the booze), check out these good sex tips.

Women’s experiences of alcohol and sex

So how do women feel about the relationship between alcohol and sex?

Here’s what some women are saying online:

• 48-year-old UK journalist Rosie Greensays:__ “The first few tipples can fan the flames of desire. In my case… alcohol ignites the libido [sex drive], fires up the ardor and generally gives self-confidence a big boost. A couple of glasses of wine can make me feel like a sex goddess ‒ Beyoncé, Penélope Cruz and Cindy Crawford all rolled into one. Plus, not only do they make me feel hotter, they make my partner seem even more desirable, too. If that isn’t enough, booze always decreases my inhibitions. Which means tipsy me is more adventurous – less prissy and more fun”
• one 25-year-old woman says: “Two drinks is probably my preferred [level of] intoxication [for sex], especially when it’s a new relationship or fling. I feel more at ease, loose, and I think both of us open up a space to be a little kinkier or uninhibited”
• one woman who is married with 2 children, says: “Mitch and I love each other a lot, but in order for us to get in the mood, we need to have a drink. It’s an unspoken, but clearly understood, rule”

Read more about women’s experiences of how alcohol affects sex.

How does alcohol affect a man sexually?

Booze may be a good thing for his desire and arousal – up to a point. Studies have found that 1 drink is linked to increased sex drive and sexual activity.

But go too far and the opposite is true – research has found an association between alcohol and erectile dysfunction (ED).

Why? Because alcohol can mess with the signals in his brain that tell his penis to get and stay hard. Alcohol can also temporarily lower testosterone – and levels of this ‘male’ hormone affect his sex drive.

One woman describes sex after her boyfriend has been drinking as: “It never lasts more than 5 minutes, which is frustrating and unsatisfying.”
Read more in our couple’s guide to erectile dysfunction.

No alcohol and sex

Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or you’re dating, you might want to try sober sex (or sober-ish sex, if you’re interested in cutting down).

Dr Ann says, “Alcohol, especially in excess, can lead to many health problems. It can also make sex more difficult, as it can cause erectile problems. So try to do activities that don’t involve alcohol – such as a walk, or checking out an exhibition – instead of going to a bar.”

Here are some reasons to give sober sex a try:

• it can make you more in tune with your desires – clear-headed sex may mean you can listen to your body more. You’ll be able to remember your sexual experiences, and this can help you work out what you – and your partner – do and don’t like
• you might have better sex in the long-run – as this woman puts it: “Every touch feels so intense. When you have sex sober, the touch of fingers or a tongue feels like it’s been turned up 200%”

Read about how to cut back on drinking.

Alcohol and your judgment – staying safe

“Drinking alcohol affects your ability to make judgments and consider the consequences of your actions before you take them, and reduces your inhibitions,” says Dr Ann. “This can make you more likely to take risks that you wouldn’t take when not drinking alcohol.”

This means the same feelings that some women associate with having freer, better sex with their partners can put your sexual health and wellbeing at risk in a different situation.

Can you consent to sex when you’re drunk?

Alcohol can change the way you act and affect the decisions you make. But it’s also important to remember that if you’re drunk or passed out, you can’t consent to sexual activity. And if you haven’t consented, any sexual activity is illegal.

Alcohol and sexual assault

Alcohol is sometimes linked to sexual assault because:

• the attacker had been drinking – US figures show that up to 3 out of 4 attackers had been drinking alcohol when they assaulted someone
• the person assaulted had been drinking – research has also found that around half of sexual assault victims had been drinking. But while drinking can make you more vulnerable, that doesn’t mean alcohol is the reason for sexual assault, or that the assault is a victim’s fault if they’ve been drinking

Women’s experiences of alcohol and sexual assault

“I was 18, new to Dublin Ireland and had just started college. Still very much finding my limits with alcohol, I had a blackout drunk in a club. It was the next day that I learned I had been kissing a guy in the club for most of the night, but at one point another guy joined us, and they both touched me down there at the same time, in the middle of the dancefloor”
“I was raped in my 20s when I was on a work trip in a foreign country. We were socializing in the evening. I liked one of the guys there, but I made it clear to him that I wouldn’t have sex with him. We went back to my hotel room, where he ignored my protestations. He raped me…. Afterwards he said to me, ‘You shouldn’t drink so much,’ placing the blame and shame on me”

If you’ve been sexually assaulted, or affected by any of these issues, you can call the free, 24/7 RAINN National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline on 800.656.HOPE (4673).

If you’re in the UK, you can call the Rape Crisis Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Line on 0808 500 2222.

How can you stay safe when you’re out drinking?

It’s always a good idea to stay safe when you’re drinking, and these tips can help you do that. “But also know that sexual assault is never your fault, regardless of whether you’re sober or not,” says Dr Ann.

Your sexual health

• always carry condoms with you – and if you’re going to have sex, use them
• remember that it’s OK to say no – you should never feel pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do. It’s your body, your life. If you feel uncomfortable, tell the other person – and if they’re not listening, leave the situation. If you feel like you’re in danger, get away from the person as quickly as possible and call the police
• remember it’s not just strangers who can be a problem – sexual assault can be committed by someone you know, or even someone you know very well, such as your partner

Your wellbeing

• always stay with your drink – don’t leave it on the table when you hit the dancefloor/go outside/visit the bathroom. Take it with you, or get a new drink when you’re back
• never accept drinks from a stranger or someone you don’t trust – this can be easier said than done, particularly if you’re on a date with someone new. If possible, go to the bar and watch your drink being poured, and carry it yourself
• charge your phone before going out – or bring a portable charger with you in case it runs down. And always have a couple of taxi numbers stored on your phone
• look out for your buddies (and ask them to do the same for you) – when you’re partying with a bunch of friends, plan to arrive and leave together. If the plans change and you decide to leave early or go somewhere else, let your friends know where you’re going. And if someone is coming home with you (or you with them), tell your friends so they can check in on you
• look out for yourself, too – when you’re drinking, check in on yourself throughout the evening. If you feel like you’ve drunk too much, ask someone you can trust to get you some water and/or help you get home safely

Getting help after unprotected sex

Where can you get emergency contraception?

If you’ve had unprotected sex, emergency contraception can help stop you getting pregnant. Here’s what’s available in the US:

• plan B One-Step – available in stores without a prescription, to anyone of any age
• levonorgestrel tablets – available if you’re 17 or over without a prescription. You’ll need to ask the pharmacist for them
• ella – available on prescription from a doctor, nurse or family planning clinic

Read more about the morning-after pill.

Worried you’ve got an STI?

Having unprotected sex also puts you at risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
If you think you might have been exposed to an STI, you can get tested at your doctor’s office, a community health clinic or health department